Marriage is not my thing.
I’ve said this before. In more than one occasions. Partly, because having another person and allowing him to (take) control over my life is so terrifying. Another part is, simply because I’m a self-absorbed, self-centered and stubborn. I believe the later is the reason why I was (still am) having hard time adjusting into my new role, as a wife. I use “Gengsi dan ga mau kalah” as my shield. And giving Mr. Husband a hard time, not because “marriage is not his thing” because in fact, he’s adjusting very well. He’s having hard time, mostly to tame me (read: my ego 😛 ).
Oh well, this almost-40-old-lady is acting like a child. I can say (not proudly, though) that I’m the demon here. 😦
Until last week.
After a prolonged non-stop argument days before, he took me to this place.
“Let’s try the kayak” he said.
You guys know what kayak is, right? The tiny little boat for 2 people to paddle around. Yeah, that one :).
I did kayaking once, looong time ago. And what I learnt during that time is that the person sitting behind holds a very important role, to stabilize and steer the kayak.
At first, I wasn’t sure. I’m completely clueless about this kayak thing, let alone steering and stabilizing the kayak. To make things worse, my husband can’t swim and I was so super positive that anything related to water is not his thing.
So, how can I entrust him with such task?
What if the kayak toppled over? And then we drowned?
Well, I’m glad to report that none of those are happening.
We enjoyed the entire experience.
My man steered and stabilized the kayak like a pro.
He told me what to do, how to paddle, how to stop, reverse and change direction.
I was stunned. Mostly, ashamed.
For doubting him.
For objecting him, simply because I have to be the one controlling everything.
I complain, whine and cry
And it hit me. Right there.
The reason behind all of my antics.
I’m not “sumeleh” in taking this new role.
Sumeleh is a Javanese word; perhaps, “surrender” is the word for this, though I dislike the ambiance (admitting defeat, hello??).
Being a wife, means to surrender to his lead. As the man is the leader of our family.
“Surgo nunut, neroko katut”, so they said.
People also said that there’s only one job a wife needs to do.
That is to obey her man.
Is what i’m trying to do right now. I never said that it would be easy.
But I’m sure it would be worth it.
Anyway, during the 30 minutes of kayaking session, I learnt that being led is not a bad thing.
Sitting back while he was busy rowing? Heaven!
So, maybe, just maybe, someday I’ll turned into the one saying that marriage is my gig! Wish me luck 🙂